Written by PML — 2011 — from WamLibrary
cswl, f/f, m/f, NHP, slime, tv
“So remind me why we’re on this bus again,” Emma asked, receiving a sigh from her husband.
“As I’ve already told you, PML arranged for us to visit some very well known establishments with our latest batch of famous faces for the ramp.” Peter drank some coffee as the bus rattled. “Eddie and Kelly are just upstairs discussing the plan with our guests.”
Emma looked out as they trundled along the motorway, although there was a blue shimmer around the window’s edge. Behind her were three cubicles, each almost designed as if they could become gunge tanks. Emma knew they were simply holding tanks, and the real gunge would be delivered on site. Of course, she knew she wasn’t allowed to take part, but either way, she hoped this project would be a success. The last one she’d been involved in hadn’t gone down so well, people reacted badly, and in the end, she was glad when it was over.
But she didn’t have to think about that now, since it appeared her best friend was done with the plan discussing, and they were all making their way down to join them. Kelly was smiling, but then again, Kelly always smiles when the Ramp is on. Eddie followed her, moving his way over to Peter and Emma, and then came the three nervous celebrities.
At the front was Paramore singer, Hayley Williams.
Behind her was VersaEmerge singer, Sierra Kusterbeck.
Bringing up the rear was Taylor Swift.
Kelly directed them over to the holding tanks. “This is where you’ll be seeing the trip on the bus. Don’t worry, we have the power them comfortable, so relax, once we arrive at the first place, it’ll be full pace. If you need anything, give us a shout, and we’ll try and sort it out for you. Have a nice day.”
Kelly paused, shaking her head, wondering why she said such a thing so robotically. Shrugging her shoulders, she joined her housemates, and started chatting about various bits and bobs.
The bus pulled up at its destination, and the group all got off. All that could be gathered from the outside was that they were at some sort of TV studio. The four hosts guided the famous faces into the building and through straight onto set.
They were greeted by a fairly plain studio, although there were some distinguishing features. To one side was an empty dunk tank, although a few stains of the gunk that had been in there remained. In the centre was a traditional gunge tank, complete with bright red gunge in one half tank, and light blue in the other half tank. And beside that tank was a desk, behind which Olivia Godfrey sat.
“Hello, and welcome to the Celebrity Supporters’ WAM League studios. Today we have these three singers awaiting the result of the Manchester derby t discover their fate, and find out who will be having a seat inside our gunge tank. In the meantime… Emma? Kelly? How are you girls?”
Emma smiled. “We’re great, first stop on the Ramp tour. We don’t need to remind you about the format, do we?”
Olivia blushed. “No, Davina’s party sure showed me the perks of that particular format. After all, I’ve visited your place enough times to have repeat performances. But enough about that. We have the result of your ramp vote girls. In top place at this stage is… Is this genuine?”
Eddie headed over to behind Olivia and had a look at the result. “Ah yeah, it does look a little fishy. PML noticed, and he wasn’t happy.”
“Who’s PML?”
“Er, no one important. Either way, he’s put a fix in place to allow the rest of the contest to be slightly more even. This result stands, regardless of the fixes to put in place.”
Olivia shook her head, then composed herself. “Alright then. In first place at the moment is Taylor Swift.”
Taylor made a “me” gesture, not quite believing it, before coming forward to Olivia, who was now standing beside the gunge tank. Taylor climbed into the tank, and sat down, making herself comfortable. She looked around at the others, eyes flicking upwards at the nozzle above her.
“Right, since United won the derby, Emma, would you like to do the honours?”
Emma stepped forward. “I’d love to.” She took no time in pulling the chain with no hesitation. The light blue slime poured down on Taylor, who squealed, moving her hands up to the top of her head. The gunge splattered over Taylor, but she managed to keep her face protected. The blue goo flowed down her back, before slowing down to a trickle as it ran out. Taylor took this chance to flick her hair back, showing her relatively clean face, although her hair was completely slimy. Of course, she wasn’t concentrating, or maybe she’d forgotten about the red slime, but she was soon reminded as the red gunge fell. Taylor screamed, but the red slime splashed over her face before she had a chance to move it out of the way. She was off guard, and the red gunge splashed all over her, covering her front, although it’d be fair to say it wasn’t the total sliming most get, which made sense considering it was only stage one. Once the red gunge had finished, Taylor was left coated in gunge, with the red gunge mostly just sitting on top of the blue gunge.
Taylor was let out of the tank, and she responded by wiping some slime on Olivia, who laughed as she jumped away. The others in the room had the sense to keep away after that. Olivia then did her piece to camera. “Well thank you for watching, Congratulations to Manchester United, and to Taylor Swift for topping the vote at this stage. Join us again whenever we next have the CSWL.”
Taylor sat in her holding tank, dripping with gunge, as the bus trundled to its next destination. Meanwhile money seemed to be changing hands between the four hosts, although none of the girls could make much sense of whatever the bets entailed. After a while, Kelly turned to the celebs, and smiled.
“We’re nearly at our second stop, and some of you will have met our Davina. You’ll love her, honest. She’ll guide you through proceedings, and such. Don’t worry, she’s a pussy really.”
Kelly turned back to her husband, not noticing three wide eyed singers behind her.
The bus soon arrived at its destination, and the party disembarked. They followed a familiar route that led to the main studio. They could hear chatter of an audience in the distance, followed by some applause. They soon walked out onto set, and were greeted with quite a sight.
The audience were cheering, while Davina was sat on a sofa, although she jumped up when she saw her guests had arrived. To the right, Rachel Riley was in a perspex box, which dangled over a dunk tank filled with green gunge. She was banging against the glass, although her shouts were drowned out by the audience.
Davina flourished her arms at her guests. “Welcome to the great house, and welcome Hayley Williams, Sierra Kusterbeck, and Taylor Swift. You know Taylor, you could have smartened up a bit before coming.” Taylor simply groaned. “Anyway, I hear you girls are taking part in the ramp. It’s a great format, I even used it myself once with the Sky Sports presenters. I hear you met the winner, Olivia Godfrey. She sure caused a stir while here.”
Peter stepped forward. “Well Davina, we’ve come here with the result of the second vote of the Ramp. Shall we have Rachel reveal who is topping the vote at this stage? There’s been some discrepancies with the vote, but these results seem normal, so we’ll see from here on out.”
Rachel paused in her banging, before shouting (just as the audience went quiet in anticipation), “But you haven’t given me the figures.”
Davina looked up at Rachel and smirked. “Oh, don’t worry, we’ll find a way to use that magnificent brain of yours another time. Alphabetical order guys? Cool. So tell me Rachel, is Hayley topping the vote?”
Rachel just looked back at Davina. “I told you, how am I supposed to know?”
Davina shrugged. “I guess not. Okay, did Sierra top the vote?”
“I don’t know why I both-aaaaaahhhhh!” Rachel screamed as the floor of her box dropped away, and she fell down into the green gunge with a plop. The blond lady surfaced blond no more, utterly covered in the green goo. She rose like monster from the deep, bright green slime dripping everywhere. She sent a look of pure fury at Davina, who was smiling.
“Well will you look at that. Sierra, Avalon is this way.” Sierra lip rose at the corny line, but followed none the less, possibly aware of what would happen. Davina led her to the other side of the set, where there was what people who read this story would recognise as the Car Wash Gunge Tank. “Sierra, this is our gunge wash, but the only real way to experience it is to take a seat.”
Sierra gave a ghost of a smile, before sitting on the seat, wriggling her bum in the seat before sitting up, looking at Davina expectantly. She went “ooh” as the chair jolted forward, right into the car brushes which span rapidly. Foam sprayed over Sierra, who laughed as it whirled around her. She could feel her hair flying around, but didn’t have a care as she edged forwards. The whir from brushes was behind her, and her chair soon slowed to a standstill. A familiar siren (hey, I watch QI you know) blared, and the orange and pink gunge fell on Sierra (or for those who remember their sweets: Tutti-Frutti gunge), who squealed loudly, in a thrilling type squeal. The gunge fanned over Sierra’s brown hair, who leaned forward under the weight of the slime, but soon fought her way to stick her face right under the stream. After a few seconds, she pulled forward, mouth wide open as she took her breath, face covered in the peach coloured mix that orange and pink makes. Sierra smiled as the deluge of slime slowed, and the chair shifted into gear, moving her into view. She wiped the gunk out of her eyes, flicking the slime everywhere. The gunge had matted down her once bouncy hair, but Sierra didn’t seem to mind.
“I guess she’ll be king forever, swimming in the lake. Ladies and Gentlemen, the current leader of the Ramp, Sierra Kusterbeck.”
The bus rolled on, heading to wherever the next destination was. Two of the three girls were dripping with slime, but that didn’t seem to bother them, instead enjoying the moment, knowing they were raising plenty of money for charity. They watched, quietly laughing as it appeared that Kelly was really unhappy over something.
Soon enough they arrived at yet another TV studio. Yet again, they found themselves walking through some corridors, before bursting out on stage. Of course, one on stage, they were met by a young girl with pale brown hair, although she was busy talking over the phone.
“…alright, I can do that. When are they due to arrive?” She looked up. “Never mind, they’re already here. Thanks, you too Mr. ‘Nilla.” She beeped the phone off, and smiled brightly at her guests. “Hey, I’m Suzi, welcome to my slop drop. Mr. ‘Nilla just told me there’s been a slight change of plan, but that won’t take a moment to sort out. But first…” Suzi went straight to the four hosts, grabbing the closest one, who just happened to be Emma, and smacked her lips on Emma’s. Kelly burst out laughing, while Peter didn’t know whether to be offended or turned on.
Suzi released Emma, who blushed, while Suzi babbled. “I heard what you guys did to that bitch. I’ve had nightmares since she darkened this studio’s door, and then Ashton told me all sorts of wild tales, something about a multiverse and such.”
Eddie, who seemed to have caught his breath after laughing loudly, said, “Ah, it was PML who arranged it all. You know, I wonder what happened to Al…that silly bitch.” The look on Suzi face was truly frightening. “She was supposed to be thrown somewhere, but I never found out where she turned up. Ah well,” he shrugged.
Suzi composed herself. “Well, all being said, thanks. Now, I believe one of you topped your vote, and I’ve got the punishment for it. Mr. ‘Nilla, the producer of our sister show, Top of the Slops, asked if we’d showcase his piece de resistance, so, here we have the Gunge truck.”
Taylor paled visibly beneath the slime that covered her, while Hayley jumped excitedly. “You know I once hosted Top of the Slops. Taylor was on that show, and it didn’t go well.”
Suzi smiled. “Oh really. You know, that’s really interesting, isn’t it Eddie.” Eddie nodded. “You see Hayley, you actually topped the vote. I saw that episode, you could’ve ended up on the ride. Well this time you will do. If you’d like to come with me.”
Hayley followed Suzi to a large skip on a set of rails. It may not have looked much like a truck, but it sure was the same gunge truck that had graced Top of the Slops. Hayley climbed aboard, and sat on the only seat that had been left dead centre. She jumped a little in excitement, giggling as she waited on Suzi, who was by a control panel.
“Now, Becky told me she changed the sequence last time. What was it? Might try this…” Green slime rose up and above Suzi, before splashing down on the young presenter. She paused for a moment, shook her head slightly, but none the less smiled, then concentrated on the control panel again. “Oh forget this, I’ll use the emergency switch. So much for a password.”
A few gears turned, a brake was released and the gunge truck trundled forward. Hayley was quite excited, evident by the way she couldn’t stay sat still in her seat. The truck approached an overhead pipe, and Hayley soon realised just how being the only occupant meant all that gunge could be directed. Pink slime gushed out, spreading out over the redhead that was Hayley Williams. She waved her hands in the air, the gunge flowing all over her. The gunge kept coming and coming, Hayley lean having to lean forward to catch her breath a couple of times. Eventually though, a very slimy Hayley emerged from the deluge, feet sat in the slowly filling skip. The Gunge truck continued onwards, coming up to a bridge, where a slimy Suzi was waiting for the Paramore singer.
“Oh Hayley.” She ignored the sensible option and looked straight up at Suzi, who proceeded to pour a bucket of flour over her. She coughed a little, but soon smiled as she wiped her face. The truck rolled along, until Hayley could spy a pool in the distance. Hayley distinctly remembered the pool at the end being empty last time, but ahead of her was a pool full with brown gunk.
“Well, it wouldn’t be Suzi’s Slop Drop if I didn’t drop you in some slop.” Suzi had caught up with the truck, although she was still coated in green slime. “I hope you’ve enjoyed your time here today. Be sure to come back sometime.”
Hayley could then feel herself being lifted up as the skip tilted towards the pool. The pink gunge that was swirling around Hayley’s legs poured forward into the gunk, and that was soon followed by a small American girl, as Hayley plummeted into the gunk. She surfaced after a few seconds, face streaming with goo, but after she’d managed to get her bearings, Hayley whooped, deciding to enjoy the moment rather than be miserable. No matter what business she was in.
After a few moments, as Hayley was getting out of the tank, she looked straight at Emma and Kelly and said, “Well, that’s certainly different to the Honey.”