Written by PML — 2011 — from WamLibrary
f/f, food, m/f, pie, slime, tv
“So, you couldn’t come up with a theme, could you Eddie.”
“No Kelly.” Some gunge fell.
“And instead, you left it to us to find some willing celebrities to come along and risk themselves for charity.”
“Yes Emma.” More gunge fell.
“And you invite Americans to come over here, without even a courtesy of giving us a ring.”
“Hey, you enjoyed that day Pete. You’ve done the same in the past…” Even more gunge fell.
“I know, but any excuse as they say. Anyway, I’ve got to go see if the women are ready.” Peter left the room.
“What? I thought they weren’t due till tomorrow?” Gunge fell yet again.
“Uh, yeah, about that. They arrived this morning, just after you poured your cereal on me, and I stuck you in there. Don’t worry, we’ll let you use the showers once they’re done. Peter’s fine showing them around, and Sophie set up the tanks.”
“So tell me who you got.” Eddie took no notice as gunge slopped over him.
“Well the theme is English girls, and we’ve gone for one of each ‘discipline’.
“Representing the singers, we have Pixie Lott.”
“Representing the sports players, we have poker star, Liv Boeree.”
“Representing actresses, we have Gemma Arterton.”
“And representing TV presenters, we have Pollyanna Woodward.”
“Nice selection.” Gunge falls.
“You know, when we put you in the voice activated gunge machine, it’s a hint you need to shut up more often.”
Eddie shrugged, even covered in gunge.
“Anyway, the poll finished at the weekend, so it matters little if we start the ramp a little early. We better go see if everything’s ready.” They left to go do other things.
After a while, Eddie started getting restless. “Kelly? Emma? Peter? Anybody?” Gunge falls.
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One by one, they entered the room. Each marvelled in the same way that almost everybody did the moment they walked into this particular room (except that one guy, but he isn’t important). They stared at the various gunge tanks in the room, noting how many ways there were to simply deliver the gunge (they all felt weird, but then shrugged).
“Hey ladies.” They turned to the left to see Peter approaching them. Behind Peter, they saw a guy (they presumed he was Eddie) inside one the gunge tanks, covered in gunged. “Don’t mind him, his wife just wanted him to leave her cereal alone. Anyway, I’m your tour guide today, and I’m going to take you around, show you what we have, and see what happens. You know what today’s plan is right?” As the girls nodded, Peter got moving. “C’mon, lots to do.”
Peter took them around a couple of tanks, before stopping suddenly. “Wait. Of course, the first checkpoint. Erm, yes. We better deal with this while we’re here. Yes. Ladies, we have our first checkpoint.” He looked down a stool. “Yes. Pixie, would you please to take a seat.”
Pixie looked nervous, especially as she saw Kelly and Emma bring out some massive cream pies, but sat down nevertheless. She quietly waited, eyes flickering between Peter and the two pies.
“Now Eddie tells me when he did this, he fooled Erica Durance by calling up Alison Mack first. Unfortunately for you, I told him he was just mean.”
Pixie squeaked, especially since Peter seemed to be offering a lifeline. However Kelly and Emma quickly moved in, planting her in a pie sandwich. The cream splattered over Pixie’s blond hair, completely surrounding her head with the cream. The girls pulled their pies away, leaving the white face of Pixie, who raised her arms immediately to wipe away the worse of the cream.
Peter stepped up to Pixie. “What would your daddy say, if he saw you this way?” Pixie stared up at Peter, clearly not amused through the cream. “Er, right, moving on.” He beckoned the girls onwards.
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They continued onwards, strangely not talking much, although Kelly did make comment that Peter was much shyer than Eddie. Eventually they came to a familiar device to them all. Peter, recognising the gasps, stopped for the chat.
“So, do you like our car wash?”
“Did you copy most of your tanks from old TV shows?” Pollyanna asked.
Peter smiled. “Of course, great place for inspiration. Of course we came up with some of our own, but you may get to see a couple of those later.”
Gemma said, “Isn’t this what they were going to use for that competition they had going couple of months back? What was it? The gunge grand Prix?”
“Yeah that’s the one. You were all involved in the competition. Pixie made the quarter finals if I remember correctly.”
“Yeah. You know, I’m kind of glad I didn’t make it, but it might have been fun. Karen Gillan won it, didn’t she. How did she like it?”
“Oh, we couldn’t book her. There was so little time, what with her schedule for Doctor Who, and all the other people that managed to get her, we couldn’t get a visit. It’s funny though. I’m pretty sure the voice-over man was the guy to sort everything out, yet he couldn’t organise for her to come here. Oh well. That said, Maybe Pixie would like to find out what it would’ve been like if she’d won.”
Pixie’s creamy eyebrows rose. “Me?”
“Yep, checkpoint 2 and all that. Have a seat and wait for gravity.” Peter heard the loud moans, before Emma came up to him.
“One more bad joke like that, and you can join Eddie.” Peter paled, but quickly brightened as he turned back to Pixie.
“Yes, anyway, this way.” He made sure Pixie was comfortable on the seat, before heading towards the controls, where the other three girls awaited. He pulled a lever, and the tank started in motion. The chair carried Pixie, who was already starting to quiver, towards the business end of the tank. She moved through the spinning brushes. Her hair was mussed up, but at least Pixie could feel the cream from the earlier pieing being brushed away. Of course that just left room for the gunge she moved under, looking up at the nozzle. Pixie pulled her head down though as a siren blared, followed by a scream as purple gunge splashed over her blond hair. The goo swept around Pixie, blocking out her features, but not her shrieks, as the gunge continued to fall. After a while, the gunge collapsed onto itself, the purple slime sticking to Pixie, continuing to flow over her face and down her body, leaving her completely covered, although not head to toe. The chair then shifted Pixie out of the gunge, showing off the London girl in all her glory.
“That was brilliant. And of course, we’re only really getting started. Ladies, the next checkpoint awaits.” Peter started the moving the girls onwards, three clean, one purple.
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They continued onwards, moving through the various gunge tanks. They soon came to a stop though, as Peter turned to the ladies.
“Now, we’ve reached the third checkpoint. Pixie, how you feeling?”
“Let me guess, I’m top again, and will be for every other round, leaving me so covered in gunk, I’ll never get it out before I have to go on TV again?”
Peter rubbed his chin. “When you put it like that, but no. It seemed like it was heading that way, but there was a late surge of votes before the third checkpoint, and someone else managed to be top at that stage.” He turned the corner, and the girls followed to see a royal throne on a platform of steps. “Liv, you’re the million dollar girl right?”
Liv looked suspicious, responding, “Yes.”
“Well a girl like you deserves her throne. Why don’t you rest your feet?”
Liv arched her eyebrow, before slowly heading on up to the seat. She sat down, looking around at all the machinery and nozzles around her, but kept her poker face up, even if it threatened to slip into a smile. She drummed her fingers on the arms of the chair, watching Peter with her beady stare.
“Now Liv, you look just like royalty up there, and as you well know, the best hand in poker is the royal flush.”
As he said that, he pulled a chain down, and a flushing noise sounded out. Light blue gunge fell over Liv, spreading out so that the entire throne was being gunged. The other girls stepped back as the gunge flowed down the steps, into what seemed to be a moat. Liv didn’t scream like Pixie had. In fact, it almost seemed like she was smiling under all the slime, not that it was obvious given the sheer volume of thick goo continuously falling all around her. It did become apparent though, as the gunge collapsed inwards, and Liv became visible, where she was actually rubbing the gunge along her arms, into her face and over her previously luscious hair.
“Wow, I’ve always wanted to do that, ever since watching it on TV when I was young. Thank yoooo…” Liv’s speech went high as a second wave began, bright red gunge spraying from all angles. Although neither thick nor voluminous, there was no place to hide for Liv as the gunge got her in every nook and cranny. Her clothes were completely, hinting at a lack of bra, but Liv was just revelling in the gunge as it continued to soak her. The gunge did eventually turn off, leaving a very messy Liv Boeree giving her trademark smile.
“Well, Liv didn’t have the luck of the draw. Anyway, I think you all want to get to see what happens at the 4th checkpoint.”
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They pressed onwards, round and round until they came beside two pools of gunge. The four ladies took one look at the two gunge tanks, and instantly realised what they represented.
“They look a bit like those gunge tanks that used to be on TV once, on a children’s show. What was it again?” Pollyanna looked unsure.
“Get Your Own Back maybe?” Pixie quietly mentioned.
Peter smiled. “Yes indeed, these are our own versions of the gunk dunk they once had children getting revenge on their grown-ups with. Of course, one of you will be taking a drop into the slop very shortly. I think you’ve all worked out what happens next.”
The four girls were in various states. Gemma and Pollyanna seem cool, as if this didn’t faze them. Liv, despite taking the previous gunging, was still smiling, probably enjoying the release of emotions not normally associated with her art. Pixie however seemed quite worried. To her, the tank looked daunting, and she knew it was very much possible she would end up in there, getting absolutely covered in all that gunge, adding to what she was already coated in.
“Yes, well, there was more change at the top, and Pixie, it appears Liv only gave you a reprieve from the third round.”
Pixie sighed with resignation. She wiped some slime off her shoulders, and was about to start moving towards a gunge tank when Peter said, “I’ll give you your choice of tank though, being launched from a great height, or some extra gunge tanks to add to your misery.”
Pixie looked between the two tanks, before making her decision. Without speaking, she moved towards the right, where the ‘funfair’ gunk dunk, filled with grey gunge, awaited. She climbed on, with the help of Kelly, and sat there, swinging her legs gently, looking up at the tanks above her.
Peter spoke to Pixie, “Now, I said there are extra gunge tanks, but we don’t have to use them. Answer me these questions three, and we will see the fate of thee.” He looked at Emma, who was just smiling at the reference. “Firstly, what is the name of the stuff inside the first gunge tank?”
Pixie frowned, looked right up at the nozzle above her, as if she might be able to see what was inside. Then it clicked. “Snot.”
“Ah, I see you’ve seen the original show. However we put in mushy peas instead. Gemma, the green lever please.”
Pixie ducked as Gemma pulled the green lever down, and said mushy peas fell, splattering over Pixie’s slimy hair, spreading over her shoulders. Once no more peas fell, Pixie lifted her head to stare at Peter again, mushy peas over her fringe.
“Now, let’s see if you can do better with this one. What is the quest of the voice-over man?”
Almost instantly, Pixie replied, “To gunge me.”
Peter laughed. “Well, as much as he wants to see that, he actually wants to get out of his box. Pollyanna, pull the yellow lever.”
Pollyanna obliged, and Pixie was met with an onslaught of custard, which acted like yellow gunge, spreading out over Pixie and covering her fairly well.
“And the final question, let’s see if you can do better with this. What is the colour of the third gunge tank?”
Pixie was stumped. Keen to avoid more slime, she took the only clue possible. “Blue.”
Peter followed her line of sight, seeing the blue lever. “Oh, you didn’t think we’d ask that question, and actually make the answer that obvious. No, the gunge tank has no colour. Liv, the, erm, blue lever.”
Liv pulled the third lever, and Pixie squealed as the transparent goo squirted out over her, thicker than water, and much stickier. The gloop spread down, flowing over Pixie’s face, although she quickly lifted her hands to wipe goo before it got into her eyes. The goo kept flowing, giving Pixie’s messy hair much more of a shine, and when it stopped, Pixie looked up to see Peter holding a golden lever.
“Pixie, you were the top of our poll during the fourth checkpoint, and now you shall be launched into the valley of goo.” He pulled the lever.
Some orange slime splashed down from above as the seat lurched Pixie forward. Pixie herself was keen to avoid going right under the gunge, and so shifted forward to avoid plunge downwards. However, as athletic as she was from all that dancing, Pixie failed to take into account what the mixed momentum would do. As she landed in the gunge, her foot slipped, causing Pixie to fall backwards, feet flying upwards. She luckily managed to avoid hitting her head on the seat, but ended up falling right back into the slime, head almost going right under the gunk. When she managed to recover, she pulled herself up to prevent her face going under, although the quick motion in doing this meant the falling gungefall from her hair got into her face anyway. She took a moment from her almost sitting position to gently lift herself up and out of the gunge. Unfortunately for Pixie, another part of the system opened at that very moment, with more orange slime falling above. Although just missing Pixie directly, the splashback as the gunge fell meant her face got just as covered in gunge as the rest of was already at this stage.
Peter approached the side of the gunge pool. “Are you alright there Pixie?”
Pixie responded by splashing a wave of gunge right at Peter, who recoiled suitably, although with a playful smile on his face. “Ah, that’s your game is it? Right, let’s get you out of there so we can find out who won the poll and will take the final gunging.”
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Pixie had just been pulled out of the gunge pool, where she was squeezing gunge from her hair. “So, I guess we have the final gunging to complete. What is it this time? That giant woman over there?”
“Er, no. That’s a fairly extreme gunging, and we’re not that cruel. Emma, is it ready?”
“Yeah, Kelly’s just fetching it now. And here she is.”
The ladies turned to around, and saw Kelly pushing a small car towards the group. She came to a stop, looking at Peter, “So tell me Pete, who are we driving around the room?”
“I’m just getting to that. Pixie, I’m going to let you out of your misery now, it’s not you.” Pixie looked visibly relieved. “And Liv, you’ll find you only had the one gunging today.” Liv also looked relieved, although not as enthusiastically as Pixie, not that it was all that surprising. “And then that leaves the clean two, only one whom will stay that way. Well, I can exclusively reveal that Gemma Arterton is top of the poll at the final checkpoint.” Gemma looked shocked, although not all that disappointed or upset. She slowly formed a smile of anticipation, wondering about what it will be like in the car.
“I heard you actually got gunged before for James Bond. Let me tell you now, this will be a whole different story. And so, the Princess Tamina will be taking our journey to its conclusion. Madam, your carriage awaits.”
Gemma climbed into the car, and sat in the seat, although it seemed unclear exactly how she was going to get messy. “So tell me, are you going to drive me through some tunnels and drop gunge on me, just like they did on Noel’s House Party?”
“Er, no. We have our own version of that tank up there. No, what we’ve got planned here is just transport. You’re going to sample some of our favourite tanks inside this place. And firstly, we have one this way.” Peter walked with the car carrying Gemma, which was moving along by remote control (Kelly following behind), while Emma took the other three women away. Peter made small talk with Gemma, until they reached their destination. Peter opened up the tank, and opened the car door. “Milady.”
Gemma alighted, and went straight for the gunge tank. It looked pretty simple, but there was a lot of machinery around the tank. She shrugged, climbing inside and getting comfortable on the inflatable chair. She watched Peter outside at the control panel, who was fiddling with some switches, until…
TEN
NINE
Gemma tensed, waiting for the time to count down.
EIGHT
SEVEN
SIX
FI…
Blue and green gunge hit Gemma, causing her scream. The gunge spread, surrounding Gemma in the umbrella effect. The gunging had a reminiscent feel to Liv’s earlier gunging. Despite the initial shock, Gemma soon found herself laughing at the slime, playfully flapping at the goo. Her whole body was being covered, and although Gemma wasn’t sticking her face in the gunk, she wasn’t exactly shying away either. She could feel the gunge pooling up, and given the sheer volume of goo, was unsurprised when the gunge level started rising up to her knees by the time the gunge slowed to just a trickle. Gemma had been completely covered, only certain under areas (like that part of your neck under your chin) still showing off her skin.
Gemma looked upwards at the trickling slime to see where the gunk had come from. Of course, she hadn’t anticipated there being a second wave of gunge, and copped a faceful before her reflexes managed to pull her head down to protect her face. The thick gunge felt weird to her running through her hair, and Gemma was sure it would need restyling later. This whole experience was quite different to last time. Sure, there was more gunge, and sure, she had less say this time (she wasn’t going to let the charities down), but at least this time, she could scream to her heart’s content, move naturally, and most of all, have fun. So as the gunge rose all the way up to her chest, Gemma found herself laughing, even if she still wanted out. One thing struck her though. If this was only the first tank of this final showdown, what was left to come?
The gunge did eventually stop falling, and almost as soon as that happened, the pool started recessing, as if being drained away at that moment. Once the gunge had completely gone, the door opened for Gemma and she was able to climb out of the gunge tank, where she immediately found herself back in that car.
“That was a great gunging there, but we’re only just getting started. Onwards she goes.”
They continued on, passing by the dunk tanks again, until they came to a set of double doors, leading outside to a small courtyard. There was a slight chill in the air, enough to make the slimy Gemma’s teeth chatter. It was broad daylight, although fairly obvious that it was private enough that no one was watching. To her left, she saw a ducking stool above a deep pit of mud. Once stopped, she found herself being guided onto the seat, along with a pointed hat being stuck on her head.
“Witch! Witch! Dunk her in the mud.” Gemma almost laughed at the shouts of Peter, thinking he’d never be an actor. Of course, that was until she felt the seat drop fast below her, and she ducked right into the quite cold mud, with the hat coming off her and floating away to the side. Before she could adjust to this however, now head to toe messy, the stool chose to rise, taking Gemma back up through the surface. The mud fell away from the crown of her head, sticking to her body never the less. Gemma barely had time to wipe her face and clear her eyes, before she heard, “Again! Again!” and again the stool ducked down. Gemma lost count of how many times ended up dunked in the mud, but regardless, when Gemma was finally off the stool and back in the car, she would hazard a guess that she was no longer covered in any gunge from before.
The car was taken back inside, and Gemma was just thankful to be back in the warmth again. Of course, she soon found herself out of the car and on another chair again. This one seemed similar to the car wash gunge tank Pixie was on earlier, but this had four compartments, each with a door to separate each compartment. Peter hadn’t mentioned anything about this gunge tank, just sat her down and told her he’ll get it started. And as she moved into the first compartment, she decided she didn’t really care what this might actually involve. Of course, when the gunge fell, all she could think about was the strong perfume smell that came with it. It seemed nice, if a little overpowering, especially to be covered in the stuff.
The chair moved into the second chamber, and this time gravy fell on Gemma. If it hadn’t been for the smell, Gemma would have simply thought it was a weak gunge, but it was pretty obvious what this set of tanks was for, and to be honest, being so covered in gunk, this made a change to simply getting more gunge thrown on top of her. Into the third tank, and down came a stronger sugary toffee mess, although the sweet smell made Gemma feel quite giddy, even if she couldn’t just lick her lips and taste the sticky sugar. She was still in the giddy mood, when, having advanced into the fourth and final chamber, the last tank released its contents and she was overwhelmed by the smell of manure. She very quickly pinched her nose, holding her breath for as long as she could. Of course, she wasn’t successful, and ended up smelling the disgusting slurry all over her hair now. As she exited the tank, she felt like ripping Peter a new one.
Of course, she wasn’t given that pleasure. A very gungey Eddie had joined her instead. “I see that Peter decided this tank was for you. When will he ever learn? Anyway, it’s good to be out of that tank, and able to finally a chat with you. Let’s go see where Peter is now.”
Gemma was stuck back in the car, and they went around the room to see Peter inside a gunge tank, with Emma straddling him. He didn’t seem to be all that upset to be inside there, but then again, Gemma doubt she would be if she was in one of these things with her husband doing that sort of thing.
Eddie carried a button over to Gemma. “Here, before we finish off your journey, you want the pleasure of gunging these two in there?”Gemma needed no hesitation. She grabbed the button (it nearly slipped, but she got a firm grip) and pressed it hard. Yellow and pink gunge splattered down over the two partners, who had clearly started something else now inside (Emma was clearly punishing Peter, as well as pleasuring herself), which meant that Gemma turned away, and signalled to Eddie to continue with her own punishment.
Gemma soon found herself being driven to the corner of the room. She could make out the rail system, as if it was involved in some elaborate gunge mechanism that gave these people their kicks. The car sat in the corner, until she found herself being lifted up, and she looked up to see the three other women from the vote, all poised with buckets. However, they actually contained feathers, which stuck to Gemma’s slimy body, making her look fairly stupid, if the gunge hadn’t already accomplished this.
Gemma took this chance to survey the four nominees from the vote. There was Pollyanna, who had remained clean throughout (Gemma suspected that may not last beyond being let free, but that was for later), next to Liv, who only had that one gunging to speak of. Then there was the completely slimy Pixie, who despite topping the poll three times one the way to the final poll, was nowhere near as gunged as Gemma currently found herself. As the car moved backwards, Gemma did wonder what it would have been like if the situation had been reversed with any of these girls.
Her musings were broken when Gemma was attacked by foam from all sides, leaving Gemma looking quite white and fluffy indeed. Soon afterwards, the car stopped and Kelly approached her.
“C’mon you, one more gunging to go. You’ve taken this very well you know, although clearly not loving it like a couple of people down there.” Kelly shook her head. “Anyway, careful now, don’t want you injuring yourself now, do we?”
Kelly helped Gemma out of the car, and onto the seat of the other Get Your Own Back gunk dunk they had seen earlier. She felt the chair cranking its way to the top, from where she could stare out at the whole of the room, still covered in all that gunk.
“Gemma Arterton, you topped the poll, and you now will find we get to drop you. Hope you’ve enjoyed yourself.”
Eddie pressed a button, and Gemma heard a piston release (no sparks). Gravity took over (Peter’s corny jokes from earlier got Pixie Lott’s song in her head), and Gemma started moving down towards the gunge. Time flew by, and soon Gemma found herself flung forward, not without the accompaniment of more gunge (Gemma paid little attention to the colour by now) falling over her as she plunged into the gunge. Going completely under, Gemma still was able to feel the rush as she fought to the surface to get air. She soon settled herself in the pool of gunge, just waiting until someone came over to take her to a shower.