Written by PML — 2011 — from WamLibrary
food, GYOB, m/f, NHP, slime
She stepped through the portal, wondering where she’d be taken next. Already, Emma had been on the moon, just as Neil and Buzz planted the flag and she had sat in the Nou camp as Solskjaer wrote his name in history with a flick of his boot. She had been on stage with The Beatles, and she’d never forget Bobby Moore with Jules Rimet. Now Emma had enjoyed these trips, but ever since Kelly had told her what the portal could be used for, she had been wanting to try out something entirely different.
The brown décor of the television studio seemed very familiar to Emma. One glance at the BBC logo on the camera confirmed her suspicions, making her excited. She was stood in the centre of the stage, in the middle of the bright lights facing a darkened audience. After a few moments of disorientation, Emma took a look round to work out the scene. A short guy with a goatee beard was guiding a camera over to a contraption that Emma could easily recognise. After all, there was a replica built somewhere else in the building. She didn’t recognise the guy who seemed to have had a bad job painting, but she did know the woman sat in the hot seat to the car wash. Remembering her younger days of Blue Peter, she knew she was getting a first-hand view of a famous gunging.
Noel seemed to be blabbering about something about the man stood behind Anthea as he ran to turn the wheel. Emma, knowing she was only in a dream-scape, ran over to where she could see Anthea going through the tank. She saw as Anthea ducked her head away from brushes as the chair moved forward, laughing from what Emma would say was sheer fear. Her black suit with white frills would make people cringe these days, but it added to the charm of what happened here. Emma watched the seat slow to a stop in position, with Anthea already cringing, but with her hands out open in anticipation.
The roar of the audience didn’t drown out the tell-tale blast from the famous horn, moments before a light blue dome of gunge surrounded Anthea. The gunge quickly changed into a green gunge, as Anthea brought her hands up slightly. She contemplated putting them down again, but decided to wipe the green slime from her now utterly gunged face. Emma laughed as it didn’t work, with thicker gunge pouring down the face. In frustration, Anthea batted at the falling gunge, before wiping her face again. This worked, mainly since the chair moved onwards just as Anthea did this. Emma looked back at the dribbling green gunge behind her, disappointed that the last little bit was wasted. Still, Anthea had been well and truly covered.
The chair moved out from the protection screens and onto a small viewing platform, turning Anthea to face the audience. She made noises of surprise, but had her arms out wide, like a showman showing off. The green gunge sat over her hair, down either side of her front, with much of the gunge sitting in her lap. She had wiped her face so it was relatively clean, but her shoulders and hands were covered. Emma knew there were gunge tanks that had covered her more, but for a celebrity gunging, this ranked up there among the top.
Noel said something that Emma couldn’t catch over the crowd, but Anthea clearly did, and responded with, “I wouldn’t even dream of it Noel.”
“Anthea, thank you very much. John Noakes, thank you very much. Take her away before she throws anything.” The crowd cheered at this. Anthea simply protested.
As Noel ran across to start the next segment of the show, Emma could feel the simulation ending. The scene faded to black, which Emma shut her eyes to help with the change in brightness. A small light turned on, which Emma knew was beside the door, so she made her way over. Once there, she found her way into an entry room, having walked through the portal she first walked through. In front of her was Kelly, who looked up from the monitor.
“So…?”
“Quite some machine working there. I know the program just extrapolated from the video, but it’s very realistic. It works better with some scenes rather than others, I mean the moon footage was grainy. However, it’s great for some things, especially seeing 1999 as if I was there.”
“And the little NHP scene?”
“Works quite well, though probably no different to the video. However, I do have an idea that could make great use of the dream-scape room…”
Emma stepped back through the portal, about two weeks since first doing so. She had been in discussion with Kelly, and was sure that this idea would work brilliantly. She allowed her eyes to adjust to the bright lights, before she found where she was.
A familiar theme tune was playing in the background, as a guy in black led her over to her position. She stood in front of the wooden doors, although she knew her small 5 foot frame wasn’t very imposing. She nervously fingered her bright blond hair, which came down to around her shoulders. However she was excited, as this made everything seem all the more real.
She didn’t have long to feel tense though, as a huge black guy in a striped jumper that Emma had to say looked horrible. Mind you, the baggy yellow T-shirt and black shorts weren’t exactly the height of fashion. If that’s what Dave wore back then, then that just makes this more authentic. The young girl looked familiar, Emma couldn’t quite place it. She was also in the same yellow T-shirt.
“Anna, you’ve won the show and the chance to send Emma on a trip she’ll never forget. Boys and girls, it’s time for the gunk dunk. Hahahahaha.” With that, Dave turned around, and led the way for Emma and Anna to follow through the wooden doors. Once in the fog, the guy in black came back over to guide her over to what she had come back into this dream-scape for. The gunk dunk was sat against the bright blue background. Emma knew while the backdrop was a recreation, the gunk dunk was 100% real. Emma allowed herself to be guided by the guy in black onto the seat, poised over the bubbling purple slime. She looked over the room to see the audience in the background. Dave and Anna were both in position and ready to begin.
“Emma, we have the 3 gunge tanks up there for you. The first one is Snot, urggh,” which he exaggerated for the crowd. “The second one is School custard, and believe me, it’s very cold.” The crowd repeated their disgusted noises. “And the third one is R-A-W, which stands for,” the crowd chanted with Dave, Emma under her breath, “Really Awful Waste. Eewwww.” Emma felt keyed up at the audience’s reaction. “Now I’m going to ask you three questions, where the answer is A or B. If you get it wrong, we’ll drop one of those tanks on you, before we drop you in the slop. So you’re going to get messy, but just how badly?” Dave made a smile to the imaginary camera, and Emma could just imagine the special effect of shining teeth there.
“So let’s get crazy then. Emma, how much is a day-tripper in South Yorkshire. A, £4.50 or B, £5.50.”
Emma had no clue, and wondered who set the questions. “A.”
“Never been to South Yorkshire have ya girl. Nope, it’s B. Anna.”
Anna pulled the green lever, which released a small amount of green goo over the top of Emma, to which she shrieked, though she enjoyed the warm green slime pouring over her, and was soon smiling again. Dave started up the next question.
“Who won the ECG poll this summer? A, your namesake, Emma Watson, or B, Kirsty Gallagher.”
Emma remembered following the poll online, and had a fairly good idea who won. With a grin, “B.”
“No, it’s A. Good luck to those who entered the story competition by the way. Anna, pull the yellow lever.”
Anna duly complied. Emma’s grin soon turned into a squeal of shock. Dave hadn’t been lying when he said the school custard was cold, though Emma suspected that was Kelly’s doing. Still, the yellow goo mixed in with the green gunge that was still sitting on the top of her head.
“Ok, final question. Who got married first? A, Peter, or B, Eddie.”
Emma looked strangely at Dave. He was basically asking was she the bridesmaid to Kelly or the Bride first. Knowing it had been Peter’s money, “B.”
“Your own wedding, you should’ve known this. It’s A. Anna, give Emma what she deserves.”
Anna, grinning quite wildly, pulled the blue lever. A stream of blue gunge fell down, although it was on Emma’s shoulder at first. That soon corrected itself, mixing blue slime with the green and yellow from before. The slime drizzled away, and Emma started laughing, especially since the questions had been fairly easy, except the first one, and she still managed to get that one wrong. However, she knew what was to come.
“All three girl. Mind you, they were just a taste for the main event. Anna, pull that golden lever and get your own back.”
Anna pulled the golden lever, and Emma was catapulted into the purple gunge. As she flew through the air, some red slime splattered down her back, but that made little difference as she almost went completely over. However she did get utterly covered, since the wave splashed back over her. Emma enjoyed the cool feeling of the slime around her body, but she quickly surfaced so that she could breathe. The thick gunk coated her face completely, and her hair was no longer the fluffy and carefree, but soaked in what had become a grey gunge. The gunge wasn’t cold, but Emma couldn’t honestly call it warm either. However she did resist pretending to trip over into the pool again.
Dave started talking to Anna in the aftermath. “Anna, you got your own back on Emma. How do you feel?”
“Brilliant.”
“Well you’ve won yourself a get your own back goodie bag.” The crowd wooed.
“As for you,” Dave started, turning towards Emma, “You get to go home covered in all that gunk.”
Emma sarcastically replied, “Thank you.”
Dave then turned towards the audience. “That’s all we’ve got time for. Join us next time when we’ll have another grown up in the gunge. Bye bye.” Emma could vaguely hear the GYOB tune playing in the background, as she wiped the worse of the gunk from her face. She enjoyed this sort of thing, and watched as Dave led Anna to one side.
“Emma, how was it girlfriend?”
Emma turned to the voice of her best friend (and house-mate and gunge partner among other things) coming to her with a towel. The scene seemed to have frozen in the background, with only the guy in black moving around. Emma wasn’t bothered as she was helped out of the gunk by Kelly.
“It’s very strange actually being part of your own show. I mean we do it on occasions, but nothing can beat the real thing. Of course, there are plenty of shows I want to give a try, and we’ve still got to get you in one, don’t we?”
“Yes, well, we’ll see.”
Eddie waited patiently in the sitting room, quietly watching the 42” plasma TV. He got up as soon as a knock on the door sounded out, as if he was expecting it.
“Dave. Annie. That was an amazing performance by you both. I’m sure Emma would agree.” He welcomed Dave in, but stopped Anna from entering the room. “Annie, Peter’s waiting in the hall for you, and he’s got your goodie bag with him.”
Anna smiled. She turned to leave excitedly.
“Make sure you say hello to Aunt Hannah for me.”
Eddie then shut the door, and moved towards Dave, who was sat in an armchair.
“Thanks again for doing this. I doubt I’d be able to call up Noel Edmonds and get him to do the same thing.”
“Hey, it’s no problem mate.”
“Now there is one favour I’d ask for though. My own wife, Kelly, wants to try out the room’s software, but has no idea of a scenario. I’m sure she will probably choose something other than GYOB, but we could always twist a different scenario in. Any ideas?”
“Eddie, I’m sure we’ll think of something.”