Written by PML — 2011 — from WamLibrary
bet, cswl, dunktank, f/f, pie, slime, tv
Caroline Flack walked out onto the stage to the cheers of the audience.
“Thank you everyone, it’s time for another week of the CSWL. {Audience Cheers} This week, we have a special clash for you all to savour. Fulham are at home to Spurs in the London derby, and it looks like it’s going to be a cracker. And of course, we have our celebrities cheering on their team, hoping to avoid what we have in store for them. Shall we meet them?”
The audience cheer as highlights of Fulham FC play on the big screen, showing various things like goals, saves, tackles and famous players. Eventually the logo popped on screen as Caroline said, “Please welcome Lily Allen.”
The London lass strutted on stage, completely as if she belonged there, not like those other girls out there. She wasn’t taking any nonsense, and looked ready to fight.
The screen soon changed however, and began to show highlights from Spurs matches, again showcasing all of Tottenham Hotspur into those brief few seconds. Soon the logo flashed on screen, and Caroline said, “Also welcome Emma Bunton.”
The former Spice girl walked out on stage, still working it even though she had about 10 years over her younger rival. She was much more dignified, allowing herself a wave to the crowd as she went to stand by Caroline.
“So Lily, are you looking forward to the match and what comes after?”
Lily started revving up the crowd. “Of course. Come on you whites, come on you whites!!”
“And Emma, you’ve actually been on before, representing your country. Is it easier coming out a second time?”
Emma smiled, “It still makes me nervous, but the Spurs are flying, so I’ve got every reason to believe that nothing will be different to last time, and I’ll get to watch my opponent take the gunge.”
Caroline took a step forward. “Well both of our babes are confident, so there’s just enough time to reveal what will happen. Whatever else happens, the losing side will end up getting very messy indeed, but how messy depends on what happens. This year has seen some very high scoring games, and some very messy celebrities, so we’ll have to see if one of these ladies will be joining that list. See you after the game.”
*******************************************************************************
The studio flashed back to life as the game had finished. The two women looked quite apprehensive, Lily because of the result, and Emma due to the fact she knew even the winning team doesn’t escape clean in this game. They watched as Caroline Flack took to the stage to address the crowd.
“Wasn’t that a great game people? I don’t know about you, but the way Fulham gave a fighting account of themselves, they nearly snatched a point. Let’s have a look at all the action again.”
The screens showed the highlights of the game, showing exactly what happened, from Bale and Lennon putting Spurs 2-0 up in the first half, to Fulham getting one back, and nearly getting an equaliser, although Spurs hung on, and made it 3-1 with the last kick of the game. Meanwhile, attention was grabbed by the stage-hands setting up for the resulting event.
“Now, as we just saw, Tottenham just won 3-1, but that’s not the whole story. Emma, Tottenham were the dirtiest team, so we’re going to make you dirty.”
Out of seemingly nowhere, dry soil fell upon Baby Spice, who went “Harumph” as the dirt settled over her blond hair, giving Emma a topping of the dark brown earthy mess.
“And Kaboul got the only yellow card of the game. Shame, I had all these lovely pies just for all those yellow cards. Guess it’s just this one for you Emma.”
Caroline picked up one of the pies, and planted it firmly on Emma’s face, pulling away quickly to reveal the yellow custard left behind. Emma brought her hands to her face to wipe away the mess, although there was a hint of a smile underneath the yellow mess.
“Now Emma, we also have a statistic here that says Fulham had the lion share of possession, and we don’t think that’s right around here. So…”
A bucket of grey gunge (about 6 litres full) poured over Emma. There wasn’t enough to really mess up the former spice girl, but it did succeed in matting down all the soil over her hair, which made Emma wince when she ran her hands over to wipe it away. Over on the other side of the stage, Lily was laughing at Emma’s discomfort.
“I don’t know why you’re laughing Missy, your punishment for losing is still to come. In fact, we have to punish both of you for conceding goals. Please take a seat in the gunge tank behind you.”
They both turned to see an empty gunge tank for each of them. They both obeyed Caroline and got into their respective gunge tanks. Once inside, a stage-hand came up to each tank, made sure the door to each was firmly shut (mainly for show), and then grabbed some buckets of gunge. He poured a bucket of dark blue slime into Emma’s tank, and three buckets of dark red gunge into Lily’s tank, who suddenly wasn’t laughing any more. Once finished, Caroline stood between them, a single button in her hand. Without saying anything, she pressed the button, unleashing the gunge onto the two ladies.
The blue gunge spread over Emma, who was giggling at the gunge, although keeping her face looking just that bit downwards. The gunge covered her hair and shoulders, but in reality, with only one bucket of slime, there wasn’t enough to truly give Emma a massive sliming, and she was soon able to watch the red gunging of Lily Allen, albeit having to sit in the gunge herself in the meantime.
Meanwhile, Lily wasn’t so dignified. She had made the classic mistake of looking at the top of the tank just as it released its contents. She screamed and thrashed as the gunged splattered over her face, and her hair once she had reflexively pulled her head down. She wiped her eyes, as the gunge flowed all down her hair and over her shoulders, covering her whole body. The gunge seemed to keep coming, completely engulfing the singer, and she considered herself well and truly gunged when the gunge finally trickled away, and Lily was able to look around.
Caroline then let Emma out, before approaching Lily’s tank. “Of course, there’s still the fact that Fulham lost the game, and so you will have to take part in this.” The curtains behind the stage drew back to reveal a dunk tank, full to the brim with white slime. Lily was guided over to the seat, and put on top of the gunge. Caroline went over to the lever, and again pulled it without so much as a word of warning.
Lily Allen catapulted forward into the thick white gunge, screaming all the way. She spluttered as she surfaced, the white goo sticking to her face, completely coating the young singer all over. After getting her bearings, splashing around a bit, Lily simply floated in the slime, unable to do much beyond that.
Caroline then addressed the audience. “Wasn’t that a great show? It’s the Internationals next week, so stay tuned for England vs. Sp…” She was cut off pie a pie to the face. Emma had grabbed a couple of the spare pies, and was now busy planting them on the clean host. To her credit, Caroline took them in her stead, allowing Emma to get her second pie in. After that, Caroline quickly said to the camera, “Thanks for joining us,” before going to grab a pie for a pie fight with Emma.